For a year i’ve tiptoed around your broken heart.
Hesitating, considering, not having courage.
I didn’t have the words to say, couldn’t find any other way.
For a year i’ve lingered around your existence.
Never knowing i could still have another chance.
A second chance to even look at you, Hold your hand and say “i’ve missed you.”
And hearing you say “i miss you too” is like heaven in my ears.
I felt i died for a heartbeat and brought back to life in another.
She had so much love to give,
But his heart didn’t have room for all of it.
She feigned courage,
and loved him anyway.
#TheRadDollWriting
The most devastating, life crushing pain often come from the people we value the most.
But when it comes, let it.
It’s proof that you know how to love.
#theRaddollWriting
Never feel sorry for leaving,
When he never really made you feel the need to stay.
Never feel sorry for leaving,
When there’s no more trust left to give.
Never feel sorry for leaving,
When he did the first move to push you away.
There’s really no need to feel sorry for leaving.
You can’t even make up a reason to be there anyway.
#TheRadDollWriting
I search for you in a crowd.
I don’t want to,
but I do.
I try to hear your laugh in a sea of voices.
I don’t mean to.
Still, I do.
I reach for you on the empty space of my bed.
I don’t intend to,
but I do.
I dig up images of you in my head.
I don’t really want to.
Still, I do.
I psych myself to unlove you.
I really have to,
but God, I still do.
#TheRaddollWriting
I thought i remember him.
All the kisses and the sweet nothings;
The way his hand feels;
His laugh that crowds the room;
The expression on his face when our eyes meet;
Every familiar place we went to;
The fire that burned in his warm sad eyes;
The love he thought would move mountains.
I thought i remember every little thing.
The sad endings and half truths;
All the lies kept hidden,
The tears muffled in secret;
His absent mind that stays but is never there;
The guilt that covers up all the other feels;
Every second lost to his waiting game;
Every shade of him lost to doubt.
I thought i remember everything.
But then again, it’s hard to trust just the memories.
Pain and time had distorted the warmest, the wildest, the worst thoughts i have of him.
I realize,
I know nothing.
When i thought i knew everything.
Aren’t we all just struggling to exist in this world plagued with double standards and vomit-inducing charlatans?
Who in this world has never feigned strength even once?
Who in this world is completely.., utterly fearless?
Who in this world doesn’t ever flinch at the mere idea of rejection and pain?
Who in this world has never had to will themselves off their own darkness to live another day of this simulated fakery of a life?
Nobody.
At one point in this life, everybody had to pretend.
It is what it is.
Sometimes, we just have to live off the fact that indulging in the pretense of bravery whilst actually being torn down inside, is the only way to existence.
-Rad Doll writing, #JustLive
Musings of the Rad Doll 