Just Memories

I thought i remember him.

All the kisses and the sweet nothings; 
The way his hand feels;
His laugh that crowds the room;
The expression on his face when our eyes meet;

Every familiar place we went to;
The fire that burned in his warm sad eyes;
The love he thought would move mountains.

I thought i remember every little thing.

The sad endings and half truths;
All the lies kept hidden,
The tears muffled in secret;
His absent mind that stays but is never there; 

The guilt that covers up all the other feels;
Every second lost to his waiting game;
Every shade of him lost to doubt. 

I thought i remember everything.

But then again, it’s hard to trust just the memories.
Pain and time had distorted the warmest, the wildest, the worst thoughts i have of him. 

I realize,

I know nothing. 

When i thought i knew everything. 

Counterfeit Life

Aren’t we all just struggling to exist in this world plagued with double standards and vomit-inducing charlatans?

Who in this world has never feigned strength even once?

Who in this world is completely.., utterly fearless?

Who in this world doesn’t ever flinch at the mere idea of rejection and pain?

Who in this world has never had to will themselves off their own darkness to live another day of this simulated fakery of a life?

Nobody.

At one point in this life, everybody had to pretend.

It is what it is.

Sometimes, we just have to live off the fact that indulging in the pretense of bravery whilst actually being torn down inside, is the only way to existence.

 
-Rad Doll writing, #JustLive

Pit Stops and Contentment


The great Tolkien once wrote, “Not all those who wander are lost.” -That is so true! In the end, Destiny always reveals itself, no matter how far you’ve walked, no matter how long. 💭

It may take you a while to get where you want to. Maybe even longer than planned. You may need to rest, go on pit stops once or twice… maybe countless times. It may become more difficult as you go further. It will be tiresome and relentless.  You’ll probably trip and fall and lose your spirit at times.

You may lose people along the way; possibly even yourself. There may be distractions. There may be obstacles. People to deal with. Things to figure out. Your own demons to face. It could go on and on and the list of negative forces that test your courage may never end. 

The journey might exhaust every bit of your existence and test your will until the last second. It may be a rollercoaster ride. It can be.. and it will be tough without a doubt. But the path goes on and the stakes get higher everytime, leaving you no room for weakness. 

The possibility of failure lingers every step of the way and it’s terrifying. The tides will roll in and they’ll be unstoppable. You must not let yourself be swept away in oblivion, defeated in every way. You’re going to need to learn to pick yourself up and feel good about it everytime. You’ll gain people as you move on-friends, lovers, family. It will be tempting to depend on them; but you will only TRULY have yourself to rely on about pretty much everything when the shit hits the fan.

It will be tough. It will be risky. . You may lose courage and think about giving up. It’s not going to be a smooth sail, it’s not going to be a walk in the park. It’s going to be overwhelmingly difficult but it will be one hell of a challenge, one hell of a ride. 

So, go where your passion leads you today. Don’t think twice and better set your heart for pain and greatness at the same time. Expect the “dreadful” unexpected. Psych yourself and temper your mind. Don’t settle and never falter until you reach where you picture yourself to be. That is your real stop. And it’s called SUCCESS-where the winner is yourself and the prize is contentment. 

#JustLive