Stifled Heart

I search for you in a crowd. 
I don’t want to, 
but I do.

I try to hear your laugh in a sea of voices.
I don’t mean to.
Still, I do.

I reach for you on the empty space of my bed.
I don’t intend to,
but I do.

I dig up images of you in my head.
I don’t really want to.
Still, I do.

I psych myself to unlove you.
I really have to,
but God, I still do.