Stifled Heart

I search for you in a crowd. 
I don’t want to, 
but I do.

I try to hear your laugh in a sea of voices.
I don’t mean to.
Still, I do.

I reach for you on the empty space of my bed.
I don’t intend to,
but I do.

I dig up images of you in my head.
I don’t really want to.
Still, I do.

I psych myself to unlove you.
I really have to,
but God, I still do.

#TheRaddollWriting 

Just Memories

I thought i remember him.

All the kisses and the sweet nothings; 
The way his hand feels;
His laugh that crowds the room;
The expression on his face when our eyes meet;

Every familiar place we went to;
The fire that burned in his warm sad eyes;
The love he thought would move mountains.

I thought i remember every little thing.

The sad endings and half truths;
All the lies kept hidden,
The tears muffled in secret;
His absent mind that stays but is never there; 

The guilt that covers up all the other feels;
Every second lost to his waiting game;
Every shade of him lost to doubt. 

I thought i remember everything.

But then again, it’s hard to trust just the memories.
Pain and time had distorted the warmest, the wildest, the worst thoughts i have of him. 

I realize,

I know nothing. 

When i thought i knew everything.