Just Memories

I thought i remember him.

All the kisses and the sweet nothings; 
The way his hand feels;
His laugh that crowds the room;
The expression on his face when our eyes meet;

Every familiar place we went to;
The fire that burned in his warm sad eyes;
The love he thought would move mountains.

I thought i remember every little thing.

The sad endings and half truths;
All the lies kept hidden,
The tears muffled in secret;
His absent mind that stays but is never there; 

The guilt that covers up all the other feels;
Every second lost to his waiting game;
Every shade of him lost to doubt. 

I thought i remember everything.

But then again, it’s hard to trust just the memories.
Pain and time had distorted the warmest, the wildest, the worst thoughts i have of him. 

I realize,

I know nothing. 

When i thought i knew everything. 

Counterfeit Life

Aren’t we all just struggling to exist in this world plagued with double standards and vomit-inducing charlatans?

Who in this world has never feigned strength even once?

Who in this world is completely.., utterly fearless?

Who in this world doesn’t ever flinch at the mere idea of rejection and pain?

Who in this world has never had to will themselves off their own darkness to live another day of this simulated fakery of a life?

Nobody.

At one point in this life, everybody had to pretend.

It is what it is.

Sometimes, we just have to live off the fact that indulging in the pretense of bravery whilst actually being torn down inside, is the only way to existence.

 
-Rad Doll writing, #JustLive

Flashback

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Pensive days on the beach.. (Alona Beach, Panglao island, Bohol, Philippines)

Everytime a part of me longs for you, my mind takes me back to why I had to walk away from your world; and it stills my heart back into contentment.

#justLive #theRaddoll